Holy cow. Holy What progress. "Progress"? What? What is this, the Renaissance? No, this is the Cyberpunk Apocalypse, and I've spent nearly seventy more government bills towards Thanksgiving, towards tradition, towards progress: frozen turkey.
$214.21 more for the 10-14 pound bird, with the weight of ice crystal buildup subtracted from the total. Shop 'n Save is gracious, and Grade A, and just $364.21 more for a 14-22 lb bird. Is it really a bird anymore? Not until it thaws in the oven. In our oven.
On a side note, what am I spending all this money on? Chicken-flavored Baked Lays? Yes, and broccoli, bagged in plastic to maintain freshness. This is where your taxes go, and mine.
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